


I Will Find Any Way to Your Wild Heart

by brokenlikeastitch



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Character outed without permission, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, Love Simon AU, M/M, much happier than the tags suggest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 03:25:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14228130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenlikeastitch/pseuds/brokenlikeastitch
Summary: New Post by Anonymous:Having a secret is one of the hardest things in the world. It’s knowing that if you tell people, it’ll probably be okay, but also knowing that everything will be different and not wanting that. It’s like getting checked and not ever seeming to quite get your breath back fully. Maybe I’d finally be able to breathe if I could just tell people I’m gay.





	I Will Find Any Way to Your Wild Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of listening to the Love Simon soundtrack on repeat and spring break. I'd like to thank my best friend who this was originally for because if it weren't for her, this wouldn't have been a thing. It's based on the movie Love Simon and the book Simon vs The Homo Sapien Agenda, both very good. I have warnings in the notes at the bottom, but there are spoilers. There are most definitely grammar errors that I missed, my bad.  
> Also, disclaimer, Lawson Crouse, I have nothing against you personally, but once you ate a worm on a boat and I could imagine Martin (in the book/movie) doing that too, sorry.

If you asked him, Mitch wasn’t sure if he could tell you how he ended up cornered by Lawson Crouse in the quiet corner of the library. In the moment, he was so confused and overwhelmed that he almost missed the whole point of the conversation. But when Lawson told him, “Dude, my brother is gay if you’re interested,” Mitch’s heart actually stopped beating.

His face felt hot and his blood ran cold at the same time as he stared at Lawson with what he was sure was a horrified look on his face. Lawson was staring at him with a glint in his eye like he had Mitch dangling by strings like some sort of puppet master. Which Mitch had to concede was kind of true, whatever Lawson had or thought he had over Mitch was definitely dangerous.

“Why should I be interested?”

“I saw your emails.”

“Emails?”

“Yeah, I used the computer after you yesterday afternoon, and when I opened Gmail, yours was still logged in. I know I shouldn’t have but I couldn’t help myself. Now though, I think we’re in a position where we can help each other out.”

“Why the fuck would I help you now?”

“Because I didn’t just read the emails.”

“You printed my emails?!” Mitch yelled, and suddenly he was very glad Lawson dragged him all the way to the back of the library.

“I didn’t print them, but I did take pictures.”

“Dude- “

Lawson cut Mitch off before he could start yelling, “Listen, you’re friends with William Nylander, I just need you to maybe keep him distracted through rehearsals this year.”

“Why?”

“Because I need that performing arts scholarship that they’re giving out after _Grease_ this semester. People are saying apparently Willy has already got in his pocket.”

“Why don’t you, I don’t know, apply for your own scholarships instead of asking me to sabotage my friends. And while you’re at it, why don’t you delete my fucking emails.”

“I did apply and I didn’t win any.”

“I wonder why. I’m sure schools aren’t jumping to give money to backstabbing assholes,” Mitch responded, voice full of sarcasm, and rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you should be a little nicer to me. I’ll give you some time to think it over, maybe a week or so. Let me know what you decide,” and with that, Lawson left.

Mitch felt faint. He knew that being gay wasn’t a bad thing, and it wasn’t something he was ashamed of, but it was his business, and Lawson had no right to use something like that as a bargaining chip. He didn’t want to be Lawson’s lackey, and Willy, though Mitch didn’t know him overly well, didn’t deserve the sabotage Lawson was asking for.

Mitch had pretty much kept the same two friends throughout his entire life, Dylan and Zach. Last summer, Willy walked into their lives, fresh from Sweden, and made himself at home there. Mitch didn’t mind, he liked Willy. Willy was cool and European and he dressed really well and Mitch could never hope to get his hair as controlled as Willy’s every day.

Dylan was the only one who never seemed to fully warm up to him. Mitch wasn’t really sure why because Willy seemed to like Dylan just fine. Zach never noticed, or at least pretended not to, but Mitch had always been a little closer to Dylan than Zach was, and now Zach was closer to Willy than Mitch and Dylan, which definitely didn’t help. Mitch guessed Dylan just wasn’t keen on sharing Zach, and Willy didn’t really give him a choice.

None of them knew he was gay, in fact the only person, who did know was Lawson. That sucked. Carrying that kind of secret from every single person he loved was heavy sometimes. He would agree awkwardly when Dylan made comments about wanting to date a cheerleader when instead he was staring at the hockey team. Or he would make up excuses when his mom would ask him if there were any girls at school he was interested in. In short, the secret was not only heavy, it was exhausting, and it sat on his chest like a weight, getting heavier every day.

The only reason the weight hadn’t killed him yet was the very reason Lawson was able to blackmail him: Papi.

***

One night, when Mitch and Dylan were facetiming and doing calculus homework, Dylan gasped out loud, startling Mitch.

“What’s up?” Mitch asked, rolling his eyes when he realized Dylan had been on his laptop and in fact not doing calculus homework.

“Dude, have you checked the school's Tumblr page recently?”

“No, Dyl, I’ve been doing calculus, like you’re supposed to be.”

Dylan ignored him, “Apparently there’s a closet gay kid at school, he posted anonymously.”

Mitch inhaled sharply and almost fell off his bed in his haste to get across the room to his laptop propped on his desk. Dylan laughed as Mitch fell out of frame, but Mitch barely heard him over the pounding of his own heart. Mitch cursed his computer that seemed slower to load than usual.

“Dude, calm down,” Dylan told him, looking at him like he’d grown a second head.

Mitch tried to take his advice and slow his breathing, but it still sounded shallow in his own ears. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but it kind of was. He couldn’t really explain it other than it was really strange knowing that he wasn’t alone in this.

Theoretically he knew that statistically there had to be other closeted kids in his school. There was only one out kid, Alex, and he’d been out for years, but no one else. Alex was a target for bullies sometimes because he was gay, and he was also small, it was easier to push him around. Mitch was kind of small too, he didn’t want to get pushed around.

But there was someone else, someone who maybe understood him a little more than Alex. Mitch didn’t know what he should be feeling, maybe a little relief, like the burden he felt was finally shared. Maybe nervous to see other people’s reaction to the anonymous message. Maybe excitement that he finally found someone like him.

When the page finally loaded, he scrolled, hands shaking, to find the post. It wasn’t far from the top, and he took a deep breath before reading.

_New Post by Anonymous:_

_Having a secret is one of the hardest things in the world. It’s knowing that if you tell people, it’ll probably be okay, but also knowing that everything will be different and not wanting that. It’s like getting checked and not ever seeming to quite get your breath back fully. Maybe I’d finally be able to breathe if I could just tell people I’m gay._

“Holy shit,” Mitch whispered to himself as he stared at the post, reading it again to make sure he didn’t misread it the first time. He glanced down at his phone where Dylan wasn’t paying him any mind anymore, “Hey, Dyl, I’m gonna go, okay?”

Dylan waved and hung up, not looking up at him from his notebook. Mitch went back to panicking as soon as his phone screen went dark. After pacing his room for half an hour, heart racing and palms sweating, Mitch sat down at his computer, liked the post, and stared at the link to an email account he added to the bottom of the post.

Mitch had the same email pretty much his entire life, and it wasn’t a Gmail, but suddenly he wanted to make one. If he tried to reach out, maybe they could be come friends. It’s not like Mitch was trying to date him or anything, he just wanted to be able to finally talk to someone about it.

He knew that since the boy posted anonymously, he probably wouldn’t tell Mitch his real name, and Mitch wasn’t ready to share his real name either. What if they knew each other in real life. What if it turned out to be a joke. He didn’t want to be the butt of a cruel joke.

By the time he finished making the account, it was pretty late. Turns out tired Mitch is a lot braver than wide awake Mitch. He typed up a message, deleted everything, and started over several times before hitting send and before he could change his mind again. Mitch forcefully slammed his laptop shut, heart racing, and slid under his covers to attempt to sleep, calculus homework completely abandoned.

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: I’m just like you_

_Dear Papi,_

_My life is normal, I desperately want to hold on to that normality. No matter how smothered I feel by this secret. No matter how hard I have to struggle to breathe under its weight sometimes. It never quite feels worth it to tell people, despite deep down, craving the feeling of freedom. I want to tell people I’m gay, but I don’t know how to do it without everything changing._

_Tommy._

_PS: I hope to God this isn’t a joke_

***

That was it, the event that started it all. Mitch was hyperaware of every noise his phone made that night and during the day. He went to the bathroom during almost every class that day to check his email, just in case Papi had responded. Mitch really really hoped he would respond.

When it did finally happen, it was during auditions for _Grease_ , the musical the drama club chose for the year. Mitch felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and he jumped in his seat next to Willy. Willy gave him a funny look as Mitch whispered a stuttered excuse and hightailed it to the bathroom.

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Not a joke_

_I’m going to be honest with you, Tommy, I wasn’t sure if I should respond. I’m still unsure about whether or not this is a joke, but on the off chance it isn’t, I don’t want to leave you hanging. The post you saw was genuine, not a joke, and I’m glad that you understand me. It’s hard, but your message made me feel less alone after I read it. It took me a while to figure out how to respond, and I guess what I really want to know is how you knew. I have my own story of course, I mean I guess we all do, but I want to know yours. I hope you can feel comfortable enough in our anonymity to tell me._

_Papi._

_PS: I’m assuming your name isn’t actually Tommy._

Mitch felt calmer than he thought after reading it. Knowing that it wasn’t a joke, that he didn’t make a fool of himself, was reassuring enough. He decided to wait until after auditions to respond because he wanted to give his answer more thought than a hurried email sitting on a closed toilet seat in an empty, dirty, school bathroom.

Willy nudged his shoulder when Mitch slid back into his seat and mouthed, “You okay?” so that he didn’t interrupt the boy auditioning onstage. Mitch just nodded and felt better than he had in a long time. Willy looked vaguely unsatisfied with his answer, but never brought it up again. For that, Mitch was thankful.

***

Mitch’s big gay awakening was Darren Criss in Glee. Dylan and he binged it on Netflix one summer, and while Dylan fawned over Finn and Rachel’s relationship, Mitch found himself preferring Blaine and Kurt’s. After a few weeks, Mitch realized he’d rather be in Kurt’s place than in Finn’s, and he liked Blaine for more than his singing voice, and that’s when it became abundantly clear.

Papi told him that his gay awakening was to Tyler Seguin’s ESPN Body Issue photoshoot. Mitch had to commend him on that one because if he wasn’t already sure of his sexuality, that would’ve hit it home for him too. He told Papi so in reassurance.

Their emails continued almost daily and Mitch found out that he was a senior too, and a male, which Mitch assumed, but the extra reassurance was good. He was funny and kind, and as time continued, Mitch realized he really wanted to know who Papi was.

***

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Very clever_

_Tommy,_

_I must admit, your email handle has had me curious since the first email and I finally looked it up. Livin’ On A Prayer is an interesting choice. I am also going to assume you chose Tommy because that’s the name mentioned most in the song. I didn’t know you were such a huge Bon Jovi fan and I’m not really sure what to do with this information. Should I be looking around school for people wearing Bon Jovi t-shirts?_

_Papi_

Mitch had to laugh, leave it up to him to figure Mitch out. He did inspire Mitch, though, to google his handle too. Nothing came up from the search, which bummed him out a little, but Mitch sure did like a bit of a challenge.

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Stumped_

_Papi,_

_You got me. It is Livin’ On A Prayer, and I am a big Bon Jovi fan. I don’t own any merch though. It feels weird owning merch when I’ve never actually seen him live. I went to a tribute concert once with my dad who is also a big Bon Jovi fan, but it in no way compared to the real experience, according to him. I don’t want to be a poser though, so unless I one day get to go to a concert, I’ll probably never own a Bon Jovi t-shirt._

_Your googling spree inspired me, but when I googled Papi 34, nothing came up, so clearly it has personal meaning and isn’t a reference. I hope one day I can know what that meaning is. Maybe, in the meantime, we can play a game of 20 questions. If I guess who you are at the end correctly, will you tell me?_

_Tommy_

Papi took way longer to respond to that message, and it made Mitch very nervous. He didn’t want to overstep and push him away, but he really wanted to know this boy he very quickly had grown infatuated by. When Papi declined 26 hours and 42 minutes later, (no Mitch certainly did not count exactly) Mitch was incredibly disappointed. He knew deep down that Papi probably wouldn’t go for it, but he hadn’t realized until he was let down that Papi really didn’t want to know Mitch the way Mitch wanted to know him.

***

Willy ended up cast as Danny in the play, and Mitch was far from surprised based on his audition. Lawson was cast as Kenickie, and Mitch was a little worried that Lawson would combust at having to be runner up to Willy. He played it off well, but Mitch saw his left eye twitch.

Mitch was cast as one of the Scorpions, and Willy threw his arm around Mitch’s shoulder with a laugh, “Hey bud, I think this means we can’t be friends.”

Mitch rolled his eyes but leaned into Willy’s side anyway. As he tilted his head to rest it on Willy’s shoulder, he made eye contact with the boy who usually did the music for all the productions the drama club does. Mitch has been in it since freshman year, and Connor has done it for every single one.

Connor was pretty quiet, and he never said much to anyone, but he always smiled and talked to Mitch. The conversations were typically more one sided, Mitch being a rambler, but Connor always listened with a semi-amused facial expression.

Mitch wondered if Connor was Papi. Connor’s shyness could definitely translate into Papi’s hesitance to share his identity. He liked Connor, and he was certainly cute in his own understated way. Mitch knew Connor wasn’t always quiet, he’d seen him around school with his friends Leon and Ryan, they were pretty loud together, but in drama club, he wasn’t. Confident, but quiet.

He broke eye contact with Connor when their sponsor, Babs he insisted they call him when he took over the club, handed Mitch the script. Babs was an interesting choice. He seemed more like a coach than a drama teacher, but he was good at what he did, and Mitch liked him a lot.

“I want you guys to spend today going over your scripts, getting familiar with the characters. Connor, you and Matthew start working out music and choreography, I want to get started learning the dances next week. They don’t all have to be ready but have something for us to start learning. Opening day is in February, but let’s not let it sneak up on us.”

Most of the cast split up around the theater to read their scripts quietly, but Willy dragged Mitch with him to a corner. Mitch, not even surprised by his friend’s antics, let himself be dragged and situated on the floor.

“Do you mind if I read some of mine to you, it’ll help me get a better feel,” Willy asked, and Mitch nodded. It wasn’t like he had a ton of speaking to do, so he was content to just sit back and listen to Willy.

Mitch found he liked listening to Willy read lines. His voice was soothing, and it wasn’t like he was a bad actor. He tried out a few different accents while he read through some of the longer passages. Mitch laughed at a few of them and tried really hard not to stare at Connor.

***

It wasn’t that Mitch didn’t care about hockey, he was from Toronto, everyone loved hockey, he just didn’t really go out of his way to watch it. Well until Zach joined the team, they all went to Zach’s games, and eventually some of his teammates started joining them for lunch. Namely Auston and Jack.

They were fine, Mitch liked them. More Jack than Auston, but not because he didn’t like Auston, just because they kid didn’t say much. He kind of just sat there quietly and ate. Sometimes Jack was able to get him talking, but more often than not, he just listened without adding anything to the conversation.

Mitch decided, after seeing him laugh, that Auston was cute. It wasn’t an ‘in your face’ kind of cute, and he had a really big forehead. Then again so did Brendan Urie, and Mitch wasn’t a huge fan of Panic At the Disco because of their music, though it was good.

Mitch did catch himself staring at Auston a few times. Once or twice he even tricked himself into believing that Auston was staring back, but every time he looked up to check, Auston was looking somewhere else.

After about a week of sitting with them, Auston moved down to sit on the other side of Mitch. Jack started there, but one day he was sick and Auston moved down and Jack ended up switching seats with them. Auston was kind of intimidating at times because Mitch didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of him, but once Mitch actually made him laugh and Auston brushed his elbow, and Mitch’s chest was so full, he wasn’t sure what to do with all the new feelings brimming up.

Right as lunch started, a loud clang rose up over the usual lunchroom chatter, and everyone turned to see two guys standing over Alex. They’d knocked his food to the ground, and he was bent down trying to pick everything up. No one even moved when one of the boys knocked him off balance with his knee. Alex toppled over from his squatting position into the smooshed spaghetti.

“You like it down there, don’t you, fag?”

Auston and Mitch winced at the same time and Mitch felt his stomach twist as no one stood up for Alex. Two girls he usually hung out with ran over to his side to help him pick everything up as Alex rolled his eyes at the guys, “I have standards, and trust me, neither of you are even remotely close to matching them.”

Their faces cycled through a wide range of emotions as he walked away with the tray full of dirty food, while the girls trailing behind him glared at the boys over their shoulders. Mitch let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as conversation picked up in the cafeteria. He noticed Auston lose some of the tension in his shoulders and filed that information away to think about later.

***

Mitch couldn’t complain about his home life in the slightest. He loved his brother who always attended the shows he was in, and filmed every single one of them, no matter how small Mitch’s role was in them. His parents were awesome, cheesy, and a bit overbearing at times, but he loved them a lot too.

They had a bunch of really lame holiday family traditions that he wouldn’t trade for anything. On top of those, his mom implemented family breakfasts once Mitch got into high school, and his extracurriculars started making him stay out later than middle school.

His dad’s big requirement was a family game night every Saturday night which seemed like it would suck because that meant he couldn’t go out on Saturday nights, but after he got used to it, Mitch didn’t mind. Even his brother was fine with it, and he had way more friends than Mitch did.

He was pretty sure that coming out to his family would be okay. His parents were some of the most open-minded, supportive and caring people he knew, and his brother was very regularly supportive of everything Mitch did.

But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Maybe it was because his dad always brought up girls when they walked the family dog. Maybe it was because his mom made such a huge deal about everything new Mitch did. It was a huge family event when she realized Mitch started drinking coffee, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how much she would overreact when he told her he was gay.

***

Mitch was designated the group’s driver at the beginning of junior year when he was the first to get his license and a car. Zach and Dylan lived on the same street and Willy lived across town, but they were able to run through a drive-thru to pick up coffee every morning before picking Willy up.

No one minded having to leave a bit earlier in the morning than usual when they started picking up Willy at Zach’s insistence. It usually started out pretty quiet until Willy got in the car and coffee kicked in. Dylan always picked out the music, and everyone ordered the same coffee every morning. It was routine, and Mitch loved consistency. He was very much a creature of habit.

Chilling in the closet had become routine too. Mitch didn’t want to break it, nothing seemed worth it. Pushing it away, denying things to himself, even being unable to say ‘I’m gay’ aloud had become habitual and for a while it was okay. But once the emails became a new habit Mitch began to actually consider changing things up.

Maybe the most important people in his life would be okay with that being a consistent thing too. Mitch would like that change, he thought.

***

Willy liked to go watch the hockey team practice after drama club meetings. The first few times he had to drag Mitch, but after a few weeks, Mitch decided he liked watching practice. Willy told him, “Marns, I had to give up hockey to be this good at acting, this is how I stay close to it.”

“By living vicariously through our friend?” Mitch asked sarcastically.

But Willy just beamed and threw an arm around him, “Exactly! I knew you would get it, buddy.”

Once they got the script, Willy would make Mitch run lines with him. After a particularly overdramatic portrayal of Kenickie, Willy ruffled his hair, “Come on man, where was that passion during auditions? We could be an iconic duo as Kenickie and Danny, I can talk to Babs about switching you and Lawson.”

Mitch just shook his head with a laugh, “Lead roles are your thing, Will, I’m fine with being in the background.”

“Come on, Marns, you’re awesome.”

Before Mitch could answer the whistle blew and practice ended. Willy stood up, stretching, script still in hand. He held out his other hand to help Mitch stand so they could find Zach. Mitch stuffed his script into his bag and followed Willy to the hallway outside the locker room where they usually waited for Zach.

“Hey, what was up with Dylan at lunch?” Willy asked, breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?”

“He seemed off today, have you talked to him lately?”

“Yeah, last night, he seemed fine.”

“I don’t know, I felt like he was giving me a funny look or something. Maybe we should call him, see if he wants to come with us to grab a bite to eat.”

Mitch was a little surprised Willy was offering but agreed. While they waited for Zach, Auston came out of the locker room and jumped as if he wasn’t expecting them.

“Sup, Matts?” Willy called out, looking up from his phone.

“Oh, hey Willy,” he glanced at Mitch and cleared his throat, smiling shyly, “and Mitch. What are you guys doing out here?”

“Waiting on Zach. You looked good out there,” Mitch responded and then mentally slapped his forehead, “I meant like the team, like a general you. Not just you. I mean you did great too, um you’re really good at hockey and stuff, but like the team looks like it’s coming together well.”

Willy was staring at Mitch like he had two heads, and Auston had grown more and more red as the conversation progressed. Mitch wanted someone to gag him before he said something else mortifying to this poor guy.

“Thanks, I think,” Auston responded, and he looked relieved when Zach and Jack came out of the locker room together.

Mitch breathed a sigh of relief when Auston’s focus had switched off of him, “Zach, buddy, time to go.”

Zach looked a little confused at Mitch’s abrupt desire to leave, and Mitch tried to communicate urgency with his eyes, but Zach wasn’t getting it. Willy looked like he was trying not to laugh, and Auston was staring at Mitch like he was a math problem he couldn’t solve.

“Matts, you scaring Marns off?” Jack asked, winking at Mitch.

“Nope, nothing wrong here,” Mitch responded, voice a little higher pitched than usual.

Willy finally took pity on him and stood up, “Okay, buddy, let’s go before Marns further buries himself. Dyl said he would meet us at the diner.”

Mitch stared down at his feet the entire time they left, though he could feel eyes on his back the entire time they walked away. It took a lot of self-control to not turn around and look at Auston again, but somehow, he managed.

***

Lawson caught up with Mitch about a week after he made his ‘proposal’ to ask about his decision. Mitch debated one more time to tell him where he could shove his sabotage plan, but then he thought about Papi, and how much he meant to him and decided to keep his mouth shut.

“I’ll do it.”

No matter how many times he tried to tell himself that he had no other choice, the guilt wouldn’t leave. He had never hated a person more than he hated Lawson Crouse, and he’d never wanted to punch anyone more the moment he saw Lawson’s smug smile.

“Get the fuck out of my face right now, Crouse, or I swear to God I will hit you.”

He raised his eyebrows but did as Mitch asked, letting the bathroom door fall shut with a loud click. It sounded like an end, and Mitch really hoped this wouldn’t backfire as badly as he was imagining it would.

***

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Blasphemy_

_Honestly the fact that you haven’t ever once eaten chocolate dipped pretzels is offensive to me, and I don’t think we can be friends anymore. I mean, come on man, you’ve never even once been curious. It’s like a staple Christmas dessert at my house, and my mom has this “secret” chocolate recipe where she adds stuff to the chocolate to make it taste better than regular melted chocolate. Everyone knows the recipe but she still considers it a secret, so I can’t tell you. Maybe one day you’ll get to try some._

_Tommy._

Mitch kept dropping little hints in his emails about wanting to know who Papi was in real life, but he was being studiously ignored repeatedly. It was a little discouraging, but Mitch figured eventually Papi would like him enough to want to meet.

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: RE: Blasphemy_

_I’m truly sorry that I’ve let you down with this whole pretzel thing. We don’t really have that kind of thing at my house, but maybe I can talk my mom into trying it this Christmas. If I do, I’ll let you know how I feel about them. Chips and salsa though, that’s my shit. My mom unquestionably makes the best salsa in the whole wide world. Honestly it ruined me for any other salsa in existence so you’re really missing out, bud. It’s truly a travesty._

_Papi._

After that email Mitch wanted to scream, he wanted to hit something, and most of all he wanted to know who Papi was.

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: I’m deprived_

_So, I think that means you should tell me who you are so that I can try that life changing salsa, right? Maybe that’s a thing we could do one day._

_Hopefully, Tommy._

Papi’s next response almost made him cry.

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Blank_

_I don’t know._

_Sorry, Papi._

***

Halloween snuck up on him way faster than he was ready for. Jack threw a party at his house that Zach told them he was required to attend because Jack was his hockey bro. Apparently where Zach went, they all went. Dylan didn’t really want to, but Mitch convinced him. More like bribed him with a sleepover, just the two of them, after the party.

“Matching costumes,” Dylan told him, holding his pinky out for Mitch to link.

“For sure.”

After much deliberation, Dylan decided they should go as characters from Glee.

“We don’t have to commit to being specific people, we can just wear the jackets and stuff. Come on, it’ll be really fun, Mitchy.”

Mitch didn’t really have any complaints, so he let Dylan order the jackets online and put the costumes together. He also let Dylan fix his hair, and he did surprisingly well slicking it back and taming it. Mitch was impressed with the finished product.

“This looks good, Dyls. I think Willy and Zach are going to be here soon.”

“I wonder if they’ll have matching costumes too,” Dylan responded. Mitch was caught off guard by the amount of venom in his tone and flinched.

“Woah, you okay?”

“Fine, let’s just go downstairs.”

Mitch followed Dylan to the kitchen, still surprised by his tone. He knew Dylan wasn’t Willy’s biggest fan, but the amount of bitterness he actually seemed to hold was shocking. Dylan, who was familiar with the layout of the Marner’s house, set to work heating up some pizza rolls to share with Mitch. Mitch leaned against the counter while Dylan waited for the oven to get warm.

“Hey, Dyls, how come you don’t like Willy?”

“Who says I don’t like Willy?”

“Your tone every time he’s brought up in a conversation.”

“I like Willy just fine, we’re just really different.”

Mitch couldn’t argue with that. Dylan was more reserved where Willy was outgoing. Dylan was an acquired taste where Willy got along with everyone. Dylan was an ‘a few friends is all I need’ kind of guy where Willy was a ‘befriend everyone’ kind of guy.

“I guess that’s true.”

The oven beeped, and Dylan turned away from Mitch to put the pizza rolls in the oven. When he turned back around, Mitch was surprised for the third time that night. This time at the sad look on Dylan’s face.

“Sometimes I just feel really left out. It’s that feeling of being on the wrong end of an inside joke. Or like there’s this line that I can’t quite cross to keep up with you guys. It feels like you guys don’t care about me anymore and that you’re leaving me behind.”

Dylan was Mitch’s best friend in the whole world, and he was sad Dylan didn’t seem to believe that. Mitch rounded the counter quickly to wrap his arms around Dylan’s waist, “Dude, you’re my favorite, you know that right?”

He waited for Dylan to answer, and when he didn’t, Mitch looked up at him. Dylan had his eyes clenched shut and Mitch pulled him in even tighter. It was times like those where he remembered how fragile Dylan was despite the front he tried to put up.

“Let’s eat some pizza rolls and have fun tonight, yeah?” Dylan asked him softly, squeezing Mitch close once more before letting go. Mitch wasn’t happy Dylan never answered his question but decided to let it go for the time being.

***

Mitch was drunk. Completely wasted. He faintly remembered karaoke and beer pong and dancing poorly. He was pretty sure he somehow coerced Dylan into singing with him by telling him that their costumes required a duet. If he did actually do that, Mitch was pretty sure Dylan would hate his guts in the morning.

Mitch wasn’t a great singer on a good day, he was passable enough to be in a musical, but he wasn’t great. Dylan on the other hand was wonderful, and even though Mitch tried to talk him into auditioning for musicals and joining the drama club, Dylan refused. Stage fright, he always insisted. Mitch guessed he couldn’t really argue with that.

But karaoke. He was pretty sure they did three songs before Mitch almost fell off the makeshift stage. Jack was there to catch him though. Jack who was the one who kept his cup full because apparently drunk Mitch was hilarious. He wasn’t too concerned because Dylan hated drinking and would keep an eye on him.

Mitch was pretty sure Auston wasn’t there. Not that he could focus long enough to really look, but he was almost positive. When he asked Jack, he confirmed it saying Auston had to pass out candy at his house because his family was out of town.

“That’s pretty shitty that they left him behind,” Mitch responded, swaying into Jack.

“I think he wanted to, hockey season is just really getting started and he’s one of the A’s.”

“A?”

“Yeah, one of the alternate captains.”

“So he’s really good then? Like he doesn’t ride the bench?”

“Yeah, Marns, he’s really good. You should know that though, you watch our practices.”

“Jack, buddy, I am a fan of the arts, not a fan of the sports.”

“Are they mutually exclusive?”

“Let me tell you something, Jacky boy, yes.”

Jack looked extremely amused, and before he could respond, a boy neither of them knew stumbled down the stairs and threw up all over Mitch’s back. The shock of warm liquid sobered him up real quick, and he stared at Jack with wide eyes.

“Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.”

“It’s not what you think it is.”

“Is that a lie because you aren’t a very good actor.”

“Yes.”

Dylan jogged up from across the room and gently grabbed Mitch’s hand, “Hey, bud, let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll go home. Jack, where is the bathroom?”

“Around the corner, first door on the left.”

“Thanks.”

Dylan pulled Mitch down the hallway and into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind them. He gently unbuttoned Mitch’s jacket and started the shower. He pushed on Mitch’s shoulder until he was sitting on his knees in front of the tub.

“Hey, Dyls?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember the other day in the cafeteria?”

“Which day?”

Apparently, Mitch was still a little drunk because he knew sober Mitch would never bring this up. “Those guys who make fun of Alex did that really mean thing.”

“Yeah, those guys are assholes, Alex doesn’t deserve that.”

“Why doesn’t anyone stand up for him?”

Dylan pushed his head forward to be under the water running out of the spout and began shampooing his hair gently. He was silent for a few minutes before answering, “I guess everyone figures that he’s been putting up with it for so long that he can handle it himself.”

“That’s pretty sucky though.”

“Yeah, Mitchy, I guess it is.”

“Everyone deserves to be stood up for.”

“You’re right.”

“I think I’m scared to stand up for him though.”

“Why’s that?”

Mitch almost blurted ‘because I’m gay too, and everyone might know’ but managed to hold it in last minute. He took a shaky breath while Dylan finished rinsing his hair and helped him sit up. He gently started drying Mitch’s hair with a towel and waited for him to answer.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just a coward.”

Dylan hummed quietly and squeezed the back of Mitch’s neck in comfort, “I don’t think you’re a coward, Marns, and I don’t think that’s the real reason. I hope one day you’ll tell me.”

Mitch felt like shit.

***

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Daddy_

_Hello Papi, I am kind of drunk tonight. My friend is asleep next to me and I couldn’t sleep so here I am, emailing you. It’s probably a mess, forgive me. I was curious about the name Papi because when I looked it up, google translate says it means daddy in English and I was wondering if you were harboring some secret kink because I don’t know how I feel about that. Like to each their own but nah. Also, I got to thinking tonight about how no one stands up for Alex at school. My friend says it’s because everyone knows Alex can fend for himself but like doesn’t he deserve our support? If I were in his spot I think I’d want someone there ya know. Stick together or some shit._

_Love, Tommy_

***

Willy knew something was up. There was only so many times Mitch could beg off running lines with him before he got suspicious. Mitch knew preventing Willy from running lines with him would throw off his performance, and he was right. Lawson was looking solid as Kenickie, but Willy was having some struggles with getting the accent and the songs down.

He finally caught up with Mitch one Friday afternoon, and dragged him away from the doors that Mitch had almost made it through undetected again. Willy crossed his arms and stared at Mitch with a hurt look on his face. Mitch stared down at his feet, ashamed and guilty.

“What the fuck dude? Did I do something?”

“No,” Mitch whispered.

“Speak up, Mitchell. I want a reason that you’re ignoring me. A real, legit reason.”

Mitch didn’t have one. He stayed silent. Babs was due to submit his scholarship recommendation at the end of the month, and Willy hadn’t been wowing people like his audition suggested he would. Mitch knew that losing the scholarship wouldn’t break Willy’s heart, but it was a really shitty thing to do to his friend.

“I’ve just been going through some stuff.”

“Yeah, okay I’ll take that. Why haven’t you told us?”

“Um.”

“Whatever, just can we go get something to eat and run lines or are you too angsty for it this afternoon.”

“I-“ he was out of excuses, “yeah, let’s do it.”

Willy sighed in relief and smiled, “Awesome. Let’s skip hockey practice today, not that you’ve been in a while, but we’ll go straight to the diner. Zach can find a ride home.”

Connor grabbed Mitch’s wrist on the way out and pulled him off to the side. Mitch leaned against the wall and smiled, “Hey, what’s up?”

“Just trying to make sure you were okay. You’ve looked a little out of it lately.”

“Oh, yeah,” Mitch was touched Connor seemed to notice, “just working through some stuff.”

“Is Crouse giving you a hard time? I noticed he keeps giving you funny looks.”

“Um, I don’t think so. I haven’t seen any looks at least.”

“If you’re sure,” Connor looked hesitant and squeezed Mitch’s wrist companionably.

“Yeah, hey I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Connor squeezed his wrist one more time and smiled, “Yeah, see you, Mitch.”

Willy was waiting for him right outside the door and startled Mitch when he suddenly appeared. He threw his arm around Mitch’s shoulder, something he hadn’t done in a while, and used it to guide him to the parking lot.

“I wish you would tell me what was going on.”

Mitch wished he could too.

***

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Wild Halloween_

_Tommy,_

_Wow, sounds like you had a good night. I did not get drunk, I spent the night handing out candy for my family. Your email wasn’t that much of a mess, but I will tell you this: I don’t have a daddy kink. It’s an old nickname, that’s all, so don’t worry about it. About Alex, I agree, someone should stand up for him, solidarity. I wish I was brave enough to._

_I wanted to tell you something interesting. My dad is one of my closest friends in the world and I was considering coming out to him. It’s a terrifying thought, but I think I’m ready, and I just want to thank you. I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for you and our emails. I’ve never felt more supported and it has given me the courage to do this. I’m going to “give it a shot” as you say. (Sorry, that was lame.) But yeah, I haven’t even been able to say it out loud in a mirror to myself, but I want to try. Wish me luck._

_Love, Papi._

***

Willy and Mitch stayed at the diner really late going through the script over and over again. Mitch felt worn down and could probably sleep for a year. He remembered his original email and how tired Mitch was way braver than fully rested Mitch, and he kept thinking, ‘this is it, this is my chance’. He opened his mouth several times to do it, but the words never came.

It was on the way home when Willy was telling him about his brother who stayed with his dad in Sweden. Willy sounded really sad about it, but he said he loved his mom and despite not knowing anyone here, he wanted to come with her. He talked about how acting became something special to him because his mom was such a big musical fan.

Willy’s openness inspired Mitch and he found himself pulling into an abandoned parking lot before he could decide to stop himself again. He gripped the steering wheel with both hands and stared down at it while he tried to collect his thoughts. Mitch’s stomach was turning and his hands were trembling. His knuckles had gone white with how tight he was holding on.

“Hey Will?”

“What’s up, Marns?”

“I’m gay.” There it was. Mitch’s eyes immediately filled with tears and one dripped down his cheek before he could stop it. His grip on the steering wheel impossibly tightened further, and he couldn’t make himself look at Willy.

“Okay.”

“But you can’t tell anyone, no one knows.”

“Of course I won’t, Marns.”

“Are you surprised?”

Willy paused and gently put his hand on Mitch’s shoulder, “Can you take your hands off the steering wheel, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Mitch did as he asked, and Willy grabbed on to his right hand. More tears fell down his cheeks as he finally forced himself to look up at Willy. He asked again, “Are you surprised?”

“No,” Willy told him with a small smile.

“No? Did you know?!” Mitch knew he sounded slightly hysterical.

Willy ran his thumb over Mitch’s knuckles soothingly, “No, Marns, I didn’t.”

“But you aren’t surprised?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“I don’t know.”

They sat in silence for a little bit, Willy still holding on to his hand while Mitch let the storm of emotions shake through his body a little bit longer. So, he did it and the world didn’t end. Well, he was a mess, but it was the first time he actually said the words aloud.

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Coming Out_

_I came out to my friend tonight. It wasn’t easy and I cried a lot, but he held my hand and was so cool about it. It was so liberating. It was the first time I’ve said the words out loud and it was pretty cool. You inspired me and I can’t thank you enough. I wish you the best in your attempt. Please let me know how it goes!_

_Love, Tommy._

***

The Saturday night after Mitch came out to Willy, family game night became a little less fun. They were playing Twister, a game Mitch found shoved deep into their game closet. His mom and dad played each other first with Mitch and Chris manning the spinner. They ended up wrapped in strange positions, and Mitch’s dad made a joke that made his heart sink.

“Good thing Mitch has never played this with his friends.”

“Wait, why?” Mitch asked, distracted by trying to spin for his mom’s next move.

“I mean look at how we are, that would be pretty gay.”

His fingers froze before he could flick the spinner, and his mom sighed, “Mitchy, not to be pushy but please spin, my arms are going to give out soon.”

Chris was frowning at their dad, “What’s wrong with gay, Dad?”

“Mitch and his friends aren’t gay, it would just be uncomfortable.”

Mitch didn’t even want to touch that comment with a ten-foot pole, so he forced himself to spin and tried to forget. He thought Chris knew something was up, but he didn’t say anything about it for the rest of the night. Mitch knew he was kind of quiet, but he couldn’t bring himself to be his normal, outgoing self.

Once the board was packed away and Mitch was declared Twister champion in the Marner household, his mom made them hot chocolate and picked out a new show on Netflix for them to watch. Mitch didn’t really want to watch How to Get Away with Murder with his family, but once his mom picked, there was no changing her mind.

He curled up under his blanket and tried not to focus on his dad’s comment, but it was harder than it sounded. He found himself tensing up every time Connor came onscreen during the first episode, but his dad never commented further. That was one thing to be glad about he guessed.

***

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Failure_

_It’s so awesome that you got to tell your friend. I wish I could report that telling my dad went well, but I chickened out. The speech I worked so hard to plan out was on the tip of my tongue, but for some reason I just couldn’t do it. Then he started talking about how his dad is sick and how tough it was on his mom and how he might have to go home soon to see her. I didn’t want to take the spotlight away from him or make it about myself. It kind of sucks, but I can handle pushing it off further I guess. I’ve done it this long at least. Anyway, tell me something funny, I need some humor right now._

_Love, Papi._

That was a thing they never talked about. When Mitch realized he signed Love at the end of his message, he almost had a panic attack. Papi never mentioned it, something Mitch was eternally grateful for, and he even started using it too. It gave Mitch hope that maybe Papi was finally coming around. Maybe he’d want to meet soon.

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: RE: Failure_

_Holy shit, I’m sorry about your grandpa, I hope everything is okay on that front. And I’m sorry you didn’t get to tell your dad. That really sucks. As for something funny, I’m not that funny of a guy, but I can tell you a story of one of my most embarrassing moments._

_I used to date this girl in like seventh grade, and my mom took us to see a movie once. It was a scary movie, Dylan told me that girls like going to see scary movies with boys sometimes, so I decided to try it. She tried to hold my hand in the theater and I let it happen but I was freaking out. Then later she tried to kiss me and I jumped out of my seat and made some excuse about feeling sick. I hid in the bathroom and texted my mom that I threw up and she came to pick me up. I left the girl there at the theater. Not cool of me, I know. Safe to say we broke up._

_Love, Tommy_

Mitch hoped his disaster story would be enough to cheer up Papi, but he wasn’t sure. He definitely wasn’t expecting an almost immediate response.

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Worst dates ever_

_Your disaster date story makes me think of one of my own. I took a girl I was seeing ice skating once. I’m pretty good at ice skating so I knew I’d look pretty smooth, which was the whole goal. Instead I ended up having to shut the entire rink down. So we ate some concession stand food before skating that didn’t exactly sit well in my stomach, but I pushed through because I thought I could handle it. Once we got on the ice, I felt a little better, but there was this really cute guy out there. Keep in mind this was before my realization. He smiled at me and I swear to God, Tommy, it was one of the cutest smiles I’d ever seen. I lost my balance and fell; the hard landing jostled my stomach and I threw up everywhere. She never wanted to see me again because she was so embarrassed. Which is totally not fair, I was the one that fell head over heels over a guy’s smile and then puked up crappy nachos. I haven’t eaten nachos since then._

_Love, Papi_

Mitch was so fucked when he realized how much he wanted to go ice skating with him. He’d had cheesy thoughts about cute ice skating dates a lot, what person hadn’t, and Papi just solidified them. It was singlehandedly the best and worst thing ever.

***

Mitch sometimes met Lawson in the library to help him run his lines. It was awful. He wanted to know all of Willy’s tricks, so Mitch gave them to him. Mitch felt like a terrible person every time he saw Lawson using them to improve. He didn’t think Willy noticed yet, but Willy wasn’t dumb.

Babs was impressed too. He took a lot of notes while watching them all rehearse that Mitch knew was in relation to the scholarship choice. The thing is, Lawson wasn’t terrible. He was already formidable competition for Willy, but with Mitch’s help he was finally beating Willy.

Willy was chill, very laid back and didn’t really care about winning some dumb competition, but he wouldn’t take that betrayal well. How was Mitch any better than Lawson when he was manipulating his friend and hanging him out to dry.

Lawson always thanked Mitch when they finished practicing like Mitch was doing it out of the kindness of his heart and not because of the massive ace Lawson had up his sleeve. One evening, Willy insisted Mitch help him and when Mitch mentioned that he already made plans with Lawson, Willy wrinkled his forehead for a few seconds before shrugging, “Bring him along.”

Mitch blinked a few times but texted Lawson about the change of plans. He agreed to meet them at Mitch’s car after rehearsals, and Mitch felt a sense of impending doom. Rehearsals seemed to fly and suddenly he found himself squished between Willy and a wall in a booth at the diner. Willy and Lawson ran lines, and they sounded good together.

Unfortunately, it was not only helping Willy improve, Lawson was starting to look more confident as hours passed. They only left when Willy insisted they go back to the school to watch the hockey game. Lawson agreed to tag along, and Mitch felt cornered and on edge.

The team looked good and Willy and Lawson had a fantastic time screaming and cheering together. Mitch felt almost sick while they waited outside the locker room for Zach after the game. Lawson and Willy chatted about the play and even a little about the scholarship.

“The two of us are definitely top contenders for it, dude,” Willy told Lawson, nudging his shoulder conspiratorially.

“Yeah, do you know when Babs is going to tell us?” Lawson asked, faking nonchalance.

“I think the week before Christmas break, so not too long now.”

“Cool cool, well good luck man.”

“You too,” Willy told Lawson, beaming at him in the friendly way Willy usually did.

Zach, Auston, and Jack walking up effectively ended scholarship talk, and Mitch breathed a sigh of relief. He held his fist out for them to bump. Zach was last, and he pulled Mitch into a hug, ruffling his hair, “Bringing out your inner hockey player, Marns?”

“You know me,” Mitch deadpanned.

Auston chuckled and Mitch felt redness rise in his cheeks. Willy smiled and squeezed Zach’s wrist, “We should go get ice cream to celebrate that win. Lawson, you in?”

“Yeah, I could go for some mint choc.”

“Yes!” Willy cheered, holding his hand up for a high five. “Marns here, doesn’t like mint choc, what a weirdo.”

Mitch rolled his eyes, refusing to take Willy’s bait. He held up his keys and wiggled them, “I can’t fit everyone unless someone wants to double buckle.”

“I drove Jack, Auston, and me,” Zach spoke up, “so if you let me know where we’re going, I can drive us there.”

Mitch nodded, slightly disappointed that Auston wouldn’t be joining them, and let Willy and Zach hash it out where they would go. There were like three ice cream shops in the vicinity of the school, and he didn’t have a preference. When they decided, Mitch led Willy and Lawson back to his car.

He was startled when he looked up and Auston was standing by his back door. Auston smiled with a small blush, “Jack and Zach started talking about the power play and I don’t really want to sit through more hockey talk for the night, I hope it’s okay.”

“Yeah, for sure,” Mitch stammered out. He bumped his head trying to get in the car and Willy snorted from where he was buckled in the passenger seat. Mitch glared at him, “For that, I get the aux cord.”

“Whatever Marns, bore our guests with your lame music then.”

“Shut up, Will,” Mitch responded, sticking his tongue out at him. He plugged his phone in and started playing one of Bon Jovi’s albums softly over the speaker. Auston tensed in the back seat, and Mitch glanced at him in the rearview mirror, “You good, Auston?”

“Yeah, um, you a Bon Jovi fan?”

“Mitch is the biggest Bon Jovi fan I know,” Willy told him, squeezing Mitch’s shoulder while Mitch blushed.

“What about you, we might not be able to be friends if you don’t like Bon Jovi.”

“Oh, he’s okay I guess. I like Livin’ On A Prayer best I think.”

“What a classic,” Mitch responded with a grin. He saw Auston grin back hesitantly in the rearview mirror.

***

Mitch, Connor, Matthew and a few other cast members were laying on the stage while Babs was off talking to Willy and Lawson in his office. They’d been practicing the dances pretty much all rehearsal and Mitch was tired. He didn’t talk a lot, but he was in the ensemble in most of the dances on top of his role as a Scorpion.

Connor was laying close to Mitch and he nudged him with his arm, “You got any big plans for the holiday, Mitch?”

“Oh, nah, my family and I usually stay in Toronto. We go pick out a tree, decorate it, eat, listen to Christmas music, and make desserts on Christmas Eve. Mom has a waffle bar on Christmas morning and we open gifts and binge Christmas movies all day. It’s pretty chill, but we do it every single year.”

“That sounds awesome. We go out to B.C. in the middle of nowhere and camp for a weekend in a cabin my dad bought right when he and my mom got married. It sucks being so disconnected sometimes, but there’s a Chili’s on the way that we always stop at and get chips and salsa. It’s the best. Alarm bells started blaring in Mitch’s head.

“Sounds fun though,” Mitch responded, only sounding a bit strangled.

“I guess, the cold isn’t great, but spending family time isn’t bad I guess.”

Mitch met his eyes and Connor’s smile had his breath going uneven. He wasn’t sure if he could get away with blaming the dancing since they’d stopped a while ago, but he was preparing that excuse anyway. Before he could say anything, Willy rejoined them and flopped back on the ground, “What’s up, Mitchy?”

“Just talking about Christmas plans with Connor.”

“Cool, what’ve you got going on Connor?”

Connor repeated what he told Mitch, and Mitch zoned out, still staring at Connor. He didn’t realize Connor asked him a question until Willy nudged his shoulder. Connor had to repeat the question with an amused look on his face, but Mitch couldn’t bring himself to care.

When Mitch looked over Connor’s shoulder, he saw Lawson staring at them. Lawson who starting hanging out with him and Willy more after the hockey game. Lawson who was suddenly glaring at him. Mitch’s blood ran cold and he excused himself from the group when Lawson stormed away after Mitch tried to wave him over.

“Lawson!” Mitch called after him. He didn’t stop and Mitch grew more worried, “Lawson, stop!” Thankfully he did, and Mitch caught up to him, breathing heavily, “Dude what’s wrong?”

“Didn’t Willy tell you, Babs submitted his name for the scholarship.”

“Dude-“

Lawson cut him off, “Don’t even, clearly he doesn’t care about it, and even though Babs knows that, he somehow still deserves it over me.”

“That’s not my fault, I held up my end of the deal, are you going to delete the pictures?”

“Have a good holiday Mitch.”

He couldn’t walk back to the auditorium after that, so he slid to the ground right there in the hallway and tried not to cry. Mitch buried his face in his knees and tried to catch his breath. It wasn’t working.

***

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Christmas break_

_So, Tommy, my family is leaving Toronto for Christmas. We’re going out to the middle of nowhere, and I won’t have much service until after Christmas, so Merry Christmas. I hope you and your family have a great holiday and I’ll talk to you after okay? I was thinking of trying to come out to my dad again, does it make me selfish to do it on a holiday? Like will that make the holiday about me instead of about family time? I don’t know but I think I might do it._

_Love, Papi_

It’s gotta be Connor. Mitch was almost positive. The whole going out of town thing was too much of a coincidence. He still felt a little sick about the Lawson situation, but he didn’t want to bring it up in an email just in case Lawson did the right thing.

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: RE: Christmas break_

_I hope you have fun on your trip, and I really don’t think that you’d be commandeering the holiday completely by coming out. I wish you the best in your decision. I have also attached a playlist of Christmas songs you must listen to on your trip. Included is the Elf version of Baby It’s Cold Outside, a classic that my brother and I duet every year. Sing it loud for all to hear for me. You should also check out Justin Bieber’s Little Drummer Boy. Biebs is from Toronto too, gotta support the local boy._

_Love, Tommy_

***

Mitch’s mom woke them up at 8:00 on Christmas Eve and forced them all to get dressed to go pick out a tree. They always went to the tree farm, have since Mitch was a kid, and the owner gives them good deals on trees for being regulars. Mitch and Chris always fought over which tree was best, and Chris usually let Mitch win.

They decorated the tree with Christmas music blaring over the home stereo system, and his dad handled the lights outside the house. It was normal and Mitch was able to put the Lawson situation out of his mind. He’d texted him at least 20 times since the scholarship situation, but Lawson hadn’t responded.

Dylan hadn’t talked to him either. Usually he came over to help make Christmas cookies, but he wasn’t answering Mitch’s calls either. He’d been at lunch, but he’d also been quiet. He’d pushed all of Mitch’s invitations to hang out to the side, and Mitch felt sick over that situation too.

Chris kept him pretty distracted, which he was thankful for, and it didn’t all go to shit until midway through Christmas Eve pizza night. Mitch was working through his first slice when the first call came through. It was Willy, but Mitch’s mom had a strict no phones at the table policy. He started to get concerned when it started ringing again immediately after. And again, and again.

Mitch’s mom stared at his phone for a second before nodding at it, “Answer it, Mitchy, it must be important.”

He grabbed his phone and left the table for some privacy.

“Marns!” Willy was breathless when he answered and Mitch grew concerned.

“What’s up, Willy?”

“Have you checked Tumblr recently?”

Mitch’s stomach rolled and he tasted pizza again, “No, why?”

“I think you should.”

Mitch took the stairs two at a time and paced impatiently while it loaded. His heart stuttered to a stop when he saw the post. It was anonymous, but he knew. Willy made a noise and Mitch suddenly remembered he was there, “Hey, Will, I’m gonna go okay?”

“Mitch, wait-“

But Mitch hung up and sat down to read the post fully.

_New Post by Anonymous_

_Dear dudes of all ages,_

_This is an announcement that senior Mitchell Marner is supremely gay and open for business. Interested parties can contact here for anal buttsex. Ladies need not apply. That is all._

Underneath the message were screenshots of every email up until the day Lawson cornered him in the library. His and Papi’s personal thoughts scattered for everyone to see. He scrolled through dazed, and hurt, and short of breath.

When Mitch finished reading, Chris walked in. His eyes were rimmed red and he looked really upset, which Mitch felt was a little unfair. If anything, he was the one who was supposed to be upset. Chris looked like he wanted to move closer, but he stayed just inside of the doorway.

“I reported the post, it’s going to get taken down.”

“It’s too late, everyone already saw it anyway. It’s true, you know? I’m gay.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“What do you mean do, there’s nothing to do.”

“You could deny it.”

“Why the fuck would I do that? I’m not ashamed of it, it’s not a bad thing.”

“I know, but you just never said anything.”

“Well I don’t have to, what are you even doing here anyway, leave me alone!”

Mitch knew Chris didn’t deserve him lashing out, but it felt like his whole world was crumbling at his fingertips and he didn’t know what to do. Chris was unfortunately just an easy target. He slammed his laptop shut and his phone started vibrating with texts and missed calls from Willy, Dylan, and Zach. He saw a piece of ‘I love u Mitchy, pls call me’ before turning his phone off. He couldn’t do it.

When his phone finally went dark, he squeezed it tightly. Everything felt wrong, and his phone dug painfully into his palm. He threw it at the mass of pillows gathered at the top of his bed and tried to breathe. Everything he’d been trying to suppress came flowing straight to the surface, and he didn’t even realize he had collapsed until he felt the soft of his blanket beneath his fingertips.

Mitch grabbed the pillow closest to him and punched it angrily a few times before squeezing onto it tightly, curling into a ball in the center of his bed. His whole body shook as he attempted to silently ride out the waves of emotion racking his body. Mitch wasn’t sure if he screamed or not, he could feel his mouth opening and closing as his body jerked and shook for what felt like hours.

He just wanted something, anything, to help him calm down. To help him not feel this thing in his chest that was trying to kill him. When he finally managed to unclench his hands, he had crescent marks indented in his palm from his fingernails. Mitch’s clothes were twisted and his hair was knotted. He felt like shit, and he was out, whether he wanted to be or not.

***

Chris was quieter than usual at breakfast. Their mom had her usual waffle bar, and it was delicious, but it wasn’t as boisterous as Christmas morning in the Marner household usually was. Mitch knew it was his fault. Or really, maybe he should blame Lawson.

They moved into the living room to open gifts, and Mitch could feel it building. He thought back to his email where he reassured Papi that coming out on Christmas wouldn’t take over the holiday. He prayed his advice was true. Finally, when all the gifts were unwrapped, and everyone was messing with their new stuff, Mitch cleared his throat.

“Hey, um, there’s something I wanted to tell you guys.”

He paused as everyone’s attention shifted to him.

“Um, I don’t, um,” he couldn’t do it.

“Did you get a girl pregnant? No, are you pregnant?” His dad asked jokingly, trying to restore the jolly mood Mitch had somewhat destroyed.

“Yeah, you got me, I’m pregnant.”

“I knew it, you just have that glow.” Mitch’s mom shoved his dad and he took a deep breath.

“No, but really, um, I’m gay. And like don’t freak out because I’m still the same Mitch, but.”

He couldn’t even look up from his hands that were clenched together in his lap. Part of him desperately wanted to see his family’s reaction, but a bigger part of him was way too scared to. The air in the living room stilled as he twisted his fingers around each other over and over to fill the space.

“Honey,” his mom said, moving like she wanted to give up but didn’t since Mitch still hadn’t looked at them.

“Which one was it?” his dad asked, and Mitch did look up at that, confused.

“What?”

“The girl that turned you? Was it the bad kisser at the movie theater?”

“Oh um,” Mitch didn’t get a real chance to answer before Chris was jumping to his defense. He barely processed his mom scolding his dad for “insensitive commentary” before he was standing and leaving the room. “I think I’m going to get some air.”

***

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: Please_

_Papi,_

_Something happened, please don’t freak out. At this point, you probably know who I am, and I’m sorry you had to find out this way. Please don’t disappear on me. I came out to my family and it didn’t go well and I haven’t talked to my friends because I’m scared to turn my phone on. Please don’t leave me right now, everything is falling apart. I’m going to attach my number because I’m going to turn my phone on soon and I’m going to need a friendly text. Please, just let me explain everything._

***

The first thing Mitch did was google ‘how to dress gay’, and the pictures connected to that search were really something, and he even watched a few YouTube videos on it. His next thought was copying Alex’s style, but he realized he could never pull it off.

He had a few shirts in his closet that looked similar to ones in the pictures, and he decided to try them on. Mitch made sure his door was locked and his blinds closed before starting. He still hadn’t turned his phone on since that night, but part of him wanted to send Dylan pictures to see what he thought. Mitch thought he looked dumb.

Dressing gay was harder than he thought, and scarfs were not his thing. Well, he didn’t own any scarfs, he’d kind of wrapped a thin t-shirt around his neck as a poor imitation of a scarf, but it didn’t do him any stylistic favors. He only tried for about five more minutes before giving up. Turns out rolled jeans just made his legs look weirder.

Mitch decided to table the whole dressing gay thing for the time being and focus on not breaking down on the first day back at school. He didn’t know what his friends were going to do, let alone other people. Ready or not, he was going to have to face the music eventually.

***

When Mitch stopped at Zach’s house first thing Monday morning, he knew he was in trouble. Everyone was already there, even Willy, and none of them were smiling. Granted it was early on a Monday morning and the first day back from the holiday, but Willy usually always wore a smile.

He got out of the car slowly and took a deep breath, “Hey guys.”

“So, we hung out to celebrate Willy winning that scholarship which you would’ve known had you bothered to turn your phone on,” Zach started, the tone of his voice was something Mitch had never heard before.

“I’m sorry, everything happened, and it was a lot, and I needed time to process. Lawson posted that message and he’s been blackmailing me for months. He wanted the scholarship and I had to help him and I was just trying to-“

Willy cut him off, “So that’s what this was about, sabotage. Mitch, I told you how important acting is for me and my mom. I trusted you with that information, and you still went behind my back. You knew I didn’t really care about that scholarship, but you were setting me up to fail from the get go.”

“I’m sorry,” Mitch whispered as a tear slid down his cheek.

Zach squeezed Willy’s shoulder and they started walking away. Dylan started to follow them, and Mitch grabbed his arm, “Dyls, please wait.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you tell him instead of me? I told you how left out I was feeling. Then not only did you tell him, who you’ve known for just a few months, but you continued to leave me out of your plans.”

“Dylan, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Yeah well you did, intentional or not. That was cruel Mitch, and I don’t deserve that.”

“No, I know, I promise, I’ll tell you everything, but you have to believe me.”

Zach cut the conversation short, “Dyl, come on, I’ll drive you to school.”

Dylan pulled his arm out of Mitch’s grip and walked after Zach and Willy. Mitch collapsed into the grass and started crying in earnest. He knew they were watching, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore. He knew he still had to go to school, but he wasn’t sure if he could do it.

He buried his head in his arms and let out the tears he’d been suppressing for days. The sound of car doors slamming and Zach pulling out of his driveway pulled him out of the safe space between his knees, and he took deep breaths to calm the sobs.

‘Get up’ he told himself repeatedly, feeling numb as he tried to obey his thoughts. ‘You can do this’ he told himself when he was finally standing. It felt like a lie.

***

School was…well it was school. Everyone stared at him like being gay was this big shocking thing they’ve heard of or seen before. The attention made him want to hide, but he kept his head high and refused to listen to the whispers. He didn’t see his friends all day, and when lunch came around, his spot at the table was empty.

The tray felt heavy as he sat down at a different table next to Alex. If Alex was surprised, he didn’t say anything, just smiled at Mitch and reached out to squeeze his wrist. Mitch’s eyes filled with tears again and he bit his lip hard to hold them in. It felt like the entire cafeteria was staring at them, and he just wanted it to stop.

“Everyone will move on soon, you can get through this,” Alex reassured him quietly. After a few seconds, he squeezed Mitch’s wrist again and added, “You could’ve told me, you know?”

“I think I was jealous, it just seemed so easy for you.”

“Mitch, every day is a struggle, but it’s easier with other people.”

Mitch inhaled shakily nodded, “I need someone right now I think, um my friends didn’t-“ he cut himself off and tried to eat. His food tasted a little like sawdust, but he could get through.

Alex eventually let go of his wrist, and shifted in his seat, “Meet me by my locker after school, I think we need to have a talk.”

Mitch nodded again and anxiously ran one of his hands over his thigh over and over, trying to pull himself together. He could do it. Only a few hours.

***

Babs let him out of practice for a few days but warned him, “I’m still trying to put on a good show, Mitch, you only get a few days, okay?”

“Yes sir, thank you.”

Babs squeezed his shoulder and smiled, “If you need anything, my door is always open, okay?”

“Yes sir.”

Mitch escaped before he could start crying and walked to his locker to get the calculus book he need for homework. There were a few mocking and derogatory notes taped to the front of it, as well as a bag tied through the lock. He was almost scared to open it.

He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected, but the Bon Jovi t-shirt was definitely a surprise. Mitch didn’t know if it was a prank or not based on the leaked emails, but once he read the note attached, he knew it wasn’t.

_Mitch, I hope you enjoy this t-shirt even though it kind of makes you a poser. Merry Christmas and goodbye._

“No,” he whispered and slid to the ground. No, Papi wouldn’t leave him now. He pulled out his phone and shakily maneuvered to the mail app. There was one email sitting unread in his inbox, and he opened it anxiously.

_From: papi34@gmail.com_  
_To: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_Subject: I’m so sorry_

_Honestly, I’d figured it out. Well I was pretty sure I had, but I guess that post confirmed it. I hope you enjoy the t-shirt, but I’m still not ready to come out to the whole school. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. Goodbye Mitch._

No, no, if this was a nightmare he wanted to wake up, right the fuck now. He tried to send type up something half legible.

_From: giveitashot@gmail.com_  
_To: papi34@gmail.com_  
_Subject: RE: I’m so sorry_

_No, please don’t, I need you right now. Don’t do this to me._

But when he tried to send it, a message popped up.

**Messages to papi34@gmail.com have failed to send permanently.**

He stared at failed permanently for what felt like a lifetime and he didn’t even realize he’d started sobbing right there in the hallway. Students were staring at him like he was some zoo exhibit and suddenly a hand latched around his arm.

Alex pulled him to a standing position and pulled Mitch into his chest, “Not right here, okay. Let’s go to your car, we can do this, okay. It’ll be okay, I promise. Let’s just get out of here.”

He let Alex lead him out, still sobbing loudly. He was alone. The guy he was in love with didn’t love him the way Mitch wanted him to. He didn’t want Mitch the way Mitch wanted him and that hurt like a bitch. The pain in his chest wasn’t going away, and it didn’t feel like it would anytime soon.

Alex took his keys and helped Mitch into the passenger seat before walking around to the other side to start the car. He pulled out of the parking lot and drove in the opposite direction of Mitch’s house, but Mitch couldn’t find it within himself to care. He just wanted to be away.

When Alex pulled into an unfamiliar driveway, Mitch didn’t move. Alex got out and walked around to pull Mitch out of the car and led him through the side door. A woman, Alex’s mom he assumed, was waiting for them in the kitchen. His sobs had died down, but tears were steadily, silently streaming down his cheeks.

Alex’s mom’s face went from smiling to concerned when she saw Mitch. Her eyes widened and she rounded the counter to grab him into a hug. Mitch melted into her arms, even though she wasn’t his mom, her hug gave the comfort of a mom. He didn’t realize how much he needed it.

She pulled away and gestured to Alex, “Why don’t you guys go into the living room, and I’ll make some cinnamon milk. Do you like cinnamon milk, Mitch?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never had it.”

Alex held onto his wrist again, “It’s the best. Come on Mitch, let’s go sit.”

Mitch let Alex drag him to the living room and then manhandle him into a cuddling position with a blanket on top of them. They sat in silence for about five minutes before Alex’s mom came in there holding three mugs. Mitch was suitably impressed with the show of balance.

She handed them each a mug and sat down in a chair facing the couch, “What happened today boys?”

Mitch let Alex explain while he sipped the warm milk with cinnamon. It was just what he needed he realized. She, Tracey he learned, put on a movie for them to watch. Slowly Mitch calmed as the milk and the blanket warmed his body. Alex provided contact comfort and Tracey provided a soothing presence. He almost didn’t want to go home.

Finally, he spoke up, and Tracey paused the movie, “The guy in the emails, I was in love with him, and he didn’t love me back.”

“Mitch,” Tracey said with a really sad look on her face.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Alex responded fiercely and Mitch had to take a second to question how the hell he had gotten into this situation.

“I just didn’t think he would leave me, but he did. Why did he leave me?”

“I wish I knew,” Tracey told him and walked over to crouch in front of him and Alex. She held on to the back of his neck before continuing, “But I promise you, it will get better. You’ll find someone who will love you the way you deserve.”

Mitch nodded and tried to believe her. Alex played the movie again and Mitch let himself get swept away in the plot he realized he hadn’t paid much attention to before.

***

The atmosphere at his house had been awkward since the whole coming out situation at Christmas. No one was hostile, but he’d started skipping breakfast and picking up Alex for school instead. Alex usually brought out a breakfast burrito or a banana or something from his mom. Mitch was glad for some sort of solace in this shitstorm.

They ate lunch together too, sometimes the girls Alex hung around joined them, but mostly it was just the two of them. One day, they sat outside at lunch, despite the cold, and watched the soccer team practice. Alex stared at them, chin propped in his hand.

“Hey, Mitchy, isn’t that defender beautiful?”

“Oh, um, I guess, yeah.”

“Oh, come on, you can do better than that.”

Mitch chuckled awkwardly, “I don’t know, I’m not really used to it I guess.”

“You poor, deprived, closeted boys. Repeat after me, that defender looks fiiiine in those shorts.”

“That defender looks fine in those shorts.”

“Fiiiine,” Alex repeated, looking at Mitch with a wide smile.

“Fiiiine,” Mitch responded with a laugh.

“That’s right, he looks fiiiine in those shorts.”

“He looks fiiiine in those shorts.”

“Yes, breakthrough!”

Mitch laughed at Alex’s excitement just as Auston walked out of the cafeteria toward the gym. Mitch abruptly stopped laughing and watched him. It might’ve been his imagination, but it looked like Auston was intentionally avoiding his gaze.

“So, Auston, huh?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh Mitchy.”

He sighed, “I know.”

Alex ruffled his hair affectionately and stole a chip off of his plate. Mitch stole a fry in retaliation and tried to push Auston out of his mind. It kind of worked.

***

Honestly Mitch was shocked he managed to avoid his mom for as long as he did, but she finally caught him. One afternoon after rehearsal he got home and she was sitting in their breakfast nook with two mugs of steaming tea sitting in front of her. He hung his keys up slowly and waited for her to talk. She glanced up at him and then back down at her computer.

“Did you know?”

She looked up again, “No. Well, I knew you had a secret, but I never asked because I didn’t want to pry. Maybe it was my fault.”

He shook his head, “No, Mom.”

She smiled at him softly, “These last few years, it was like I could feel you pulling away from us. I could feel you holding your breath, and I didn’t know what to do. I figured you would come to us if something was wrong.”

Mitch let out a shaky breath, “I didn’t really know how.”

She smiled gently and motioned at the seat across from her, “Sit, I need you to hear this. When you told us, you said ‘I’m the same Mitch’ and you are still you, Mitch. You are still the same son I love to tease and who your father depends on for just about everything and who watches your brother’s home movies and always compliments even when they suck. But you get to exhale now, Mitch. You get to be more you than you have been in a very long time. You deserve everything you want, and I love you so much.”

Mitch sniffled as his mom stood up and walked to press a kiss on the top of his head, “Now, drink your tea before it gets cold.”

He nodded and she sat back down. They drank the tea in silence and he felt a little more settled. More comfortable in his house than he had in a long time. Maybe things would start getting better.

***

His dad caught up with him a few days later, and Mitch was a lot more cautious. He wasn’t sure how that conversation was going to go, but he was a little surprised when it started. His dad got his attention and asked, “How long have you known?”

Mitch shrugged, “I think I started to get it around 13 or 14.”

“Three years,” his dad whispered more to himself than to Mitch, “three years of eating breakfast together, three years of seeing movies together, three years of walking Winston. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have missed it.”

“No, no Dad, don’t blame yourself.”

“All the stupid conversations about girls and the comments. If the message got lost in translation I just want you to know that I love you, and I wouldn’t change anything about you.”

His dad sniffled and Mitch was caught off guard. Enough surprised to tear up himself, “Come on Dad, stop crying.”

“I’m trying, I’m trying, God. I’m sorry.” Mitch shifted a little and waited for his dad to pull himself together, “Come here, Mitchy.”

He let his dad pull him into a hug and felt himself truly relax for the first time since Christmas day. His breaths came easier and he felt good. When his dad moved away, his eyes were a little drier and he smiled at Mitch.

“Maybe we should try to go to some Pride parades.”

“Dad…”

“No, it could be fun.”

“I’m not sure how much you’d enjoy it.”

“It’s a parade, parades are always fun.”

Mitch rolled his eyes but followed his dad inside. Chris was in the kitchen editing something on his computer when they walked in, and he carefully avoided eye contact with Mitch. Mitch sighed and decided to go for broke. He walked over to him and wrapped his arms around Chris from behind the chair.

Chris relaxed and stood to turn in Mitch’s grip. He wasn’t surprised when his dad yelled out, “Group hug!” and his mom came running from the living room to join them. It felt really good, and for the first time in a while, Mitch felt like home was home again. Quietly, into his dad’s shoulder, Mitch finally spoke, “You guys are the best family I’ve ever had.”

“We’re the only family you’ve ever had, Mitch,” Chris responded, rolling his eyes.

“Take the fucking compliment, Christopher,” Mitch told him, rolling his eyes jokingly.

“Language, Mitchell,” his mom reminded him, shoving his shoulder gently.

***

The opening performances of _Grease_ were fast approaching, and Willy was still avoiding him. Lawson also wouldn’t look him in the eyes, and Mitch was glad. He would love to wrap his hands around Lawson’s neck and squeeze a little bit. Not enough to kill him, but just to take his breath away for a little bit, just like he’d done to Mitch by outing him.

The first performances were on a school day. Freshmen and sophomores were watching in the morning and after lunch, juniors and seniors were getting their turn. Mitch was excited because he knew that it was a requirement to go, so Papi would most likely be in the audience. Maybe if he saw the performance, he would decide that Mitch was good enough.

Alex stayed with Mitch the whole time they were getting dressed and warming up, and he kept catching Connor staring at Mitch. After about 30 minutes Alex nudged him, “I think you should go talk to Connor, I get a vibe and he’s staring at you.”

Mitch looked at him curiously, “You know, before everything went down, I thought Connor might be Papi.”

“Go talk to him,” Alex urged.

Mitch’s eyes widened, “Right now? Before the play?”

“No time like the present,” Alex responded with a bright smile. Mitch took a deep breath and Alex clapped him on the back, “You got this, Mitchy.”

Connor looked surprised to see Mitch approaching him, but he covered his surprised look and smiled at him, “Hey Mitch, how have you been?”

“Not great, but hey, I wanted to ask you something real quick.”

“Okay,” Connor looked hesitant.

“Is it you?”

“Um, I don’t follow.”

“Are you Papi?”

“Oh, um no, I’m sorry, it’s not me.”

Mitch deflated, “I’m sorry, that was a dumb question, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“Hey wait, I know you’ve had a rough few weeks, if you want to talk about it,” Connor tried, grabbing his shoulder.

Mitch shrugged him off, “No, I’m okay. Break a leg today, okay?”

“Yeah, okay, you too.”

Mitch walked back to Alex and shook his head sadly, “It wasn’t him.”

Alex’s hopeful expression fell, “I’m so sorry buddy, I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“No, that was good, now I know.”

Alex didn’t look convinced, but he dropped it. Before Mitch could say anything else, Babs suddenly appeared backstage and clapped his hands, “Guys, we might have to postpone.”

Willy stood up, looking disappointed, “What? Why?”

“Someone defaced one of the cast photos. Um, it’s pretty bad, and I don’t think anyone deserves to see it.”

Mitch’s stomach rolled because Babs was carefully avoiding his eyes. Alex stiffened next to him before storming out of the room, a few other cast members, including Connor, on his tail. Mitch slumped in his chair and Babs hurried over to him, “Hey, Mitch, what do you think, do you want to do it?”

If they cancelled Papi wouldn’t see it. He nodded, “Yeah, I, um, it’s not really that different from the shit they’ve been putting on my locker.”

“No, it’s pretty bad.”

“Can I see?” when he tried to stand, Babs pushed him back down firmly with a hand on his shoulder.

“Not a good idea. But if you want to go on with the show…”

“I do, all these guys worked so hard, don’t let me ruin it.”

“I caught the guys responsible and marched them to the principal’s office myself, they won’t be there, but I think some other people got pictures before they could get taken down.”

“It’s okay, I can do it.”

Alex came storming back, muttering curses under his breath. He pulled Mitch into a tight hug and swayed back and forth for a few minutes, everyone still watching. Connor came running back in a few minutes later, “I took it down.”

“I’m okay,” Mitch tried to reassure Alex, “None of this happened when just you were out.”

Babs cleared his throat, “If you and your boyfriend need some space, we can clear out.”

Mitch’s face went red, “Oh my God, Alex is not my boyfriend.”

Alex snorted, “Mitch is not my type.”

It was Babs’s turn to look embarrassed and he scrambled to fix his mess, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed, um, if you need us to clear out.”

“It’s okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

He wouldn’t let those people get away with messing with him. The only way to beat them was to keep going. He could do it.

***

Lawson caught him at lunch between performances, and Mitch felt his blood pressure skyrocket.

“Mitch, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, honestly, and I didn’t think people still did shit like that. I was just so hurt about the scholarship that I just wanted you to hurt too. I didn’t think it would be a big thing.”

He knew that there were still people in the hallway watching them, but he didn’t care anymore. He drew himself up to his full height and turned his fiercest glare on Lawson, “You don’t get to say it’s not a big thing. This is a big fucking thing, okay? This was supposed to be…this is mine. I’m supposed to decide when and where and who knows and how I want to say it, and you took that away from me!”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear it, Crouse, I just want you to stay the fuck away from me!”

Mitch left Lawson standing in the hallway, nothing but remorse and sadness on his face. He couldn’t give less of a shit about Lawson fucking Crouse.

***

_New Post by Mitchell Marner:_

_So, anyone with social media of any form, or I guess anyone with ears, have heard the rumors about me. I’d like to clear them up for everyone, yes, I’m gay. So, I guess the anonymous post got the message across, though the delivery wasn’t wonderful. It’s not something I’m ashamed of, and it’s not something I should have to hide. I guess maybe I was a little upset that straight is the default, I mean why should I have to come out when no one else does? All it really did was hurt my friends, some of the most wonderful people in the world, and my family, more of the most wonderful people in the world. As I’ve started to mend these relationships, on the family front only I suppose, everything is becoming okay. And you know what, I deserve it, my mom told me I deserve everything I want and she’s right. I just wish I had someone to share it with. If you aren’t a fan of sap, I’d advise you to click away now because this is about to get sappy af._

_Papi, you deserve everything you want too. I don’t know if you want me or if you want my love, but I want you and your love. Once you told me about a disastrous ice skating date, and one of my thoughts was that I hoped one day we could try it and I could rectify it. So, tomorrow, after the final performance of Grease, you know where I’ll be. I hope that you meet me there. You deserve a good love story too, Papi, and I hope that I can be that for you._

_Love, Mitch._

***

Mitch was a romantic at heart, and it seemed almost perfect that the last performance of _Grease_ fell on Valentine’s Day. The skating rink closest to the school let high schoolers in free on Valentine’s Day and they played cheesy songs all night for couples to skate to because high schoolers are broke and who has money for extravagant plans. Mitch had never gone, but he know lots of people did, and it would be a big step if Papi were to show up.

Alex gave him a ride to the last performance, and Mitch had never been readier to finish a play. It went smoothly, possibly their best performance yet, and he was almost vibrating backstage as he put on street clothes. As a last-ditch effort of luck, Mitch decided to wear the Bon Jovi t-shirt. He’d been keeping it under his pillow, some pathetic attempt to keep Papi close.

Maybe it would give Papi the courage to show up. Alex had joined him and was helping Mitch brush the copious amount of gel in his hair, and he was so lost in thought, he didn’t even realize Willy was standing behind him. Alex was glaring very fiercely at him and Willy looked extremely uncertain, a look Mitch had never seen on him.

“Down, boy,” Mitch whispered to Alex, grinning at the wink his friend sent him.

“Mitch, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make things harder on you, and every time I wanted to apologize I chickened out and you didn’t deserve to be abandoned like that.”

“I made it through.”

“But we’re supposed to be your best friends.”

“Yeah well, I didn’t exactly handle the blackmail situation the right way.”

“I guess now it doesn’t really matter. What I really came over here for was to ask if you wanted to come ice skating with us?”

Mitch looked in the mirror and saw Dylan and Zach hovering with small smiles on their faces. He took a deep breath and turned around, “I would love to.”

“Yeah?” Willy asked, smile stretching across his face.

“Yeah,” Mitch told him and was immediately swept into a hug by Dylan. He was surprised, but he’d missed Dylan’s hugs.

Mitch squeezed Dylan tightly and didn’t want to let go. Dylan always ran so warm that his hugs were comforting, like a blanket on a cold day. Dylan bent his head and whispered, “Mitchy, I’m so sorry. I was hurt but you didn’t deserve that shit that we pulled.”

Mitch nodded and pulled away, “Let’s go ice skating.”

Zach drove and the ride was full of chatter, mainly from Willy, catching him up on everything he missed while they avoided him. Mitch realized he didn’t really want to hear about it, he just wanted to move on, but he didn’t want to crush Willy’s enthusiasm.

When they finally got to the rink, he was too nervous to actually process what Willy was still blabbering on about. Dylan squeezed his shoulder while they walked into the building and smiled shakily, “Go get him, tiger.”

Mitch laughed and got a pair of skates. He laced them slowly and hit the ice alone. His friends found a table near the glass and he started making lazy circles around the ice, trying not to focus too hard on the people he felt staring. He heard one girl whisper, “Hey, I think he’s waiting for the other gay kid.” It made him want to laugh, but he didn’t.

It felt like he skated forever, and no one ever joined him. It sucked a lot as every song passed by and no one said anything. Suddenly a guy came over the PA system and startled him, “Last song everyone.” When he glanced up, he was the only one left on the ice and everyone was gathered around the glass, off the ice, staring

Mitch’s heart sank until suddenly someone stepped on near where he was. Lawson. Mitch’s eyes widened as Lawson opened his arms, “It’s me, I’m Papi.”

He heard a gasp and someone whispered, “Holy shit, didn’t see that one coming.”

The song started and Mitch rolled his eyes, “No you’re not.”

Lawson dropped his arms, “No, I’m not, but this is brutal.”

Mitch snorted and skated away from him again. The song came to an end and the silence was deafening. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lawson arguing with the music guy. He took the microphone and spoke into it, “Last call, one more song.”

It was kind of thoughtful, but Mitch wanted to take his bruised heart and leave the rink as soon as possible. He finished the lap he was on and caught Alex’s eyes by the opening, holding his hand out for Mitch to take for comfort. Right as he reached it, Auston stepped out.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“I’m was waiting for someone, but I’m ready to leave now, sorry.”

“I know, I’m sorry, better late than never though?”

Mitch heard Zach’s faint, “Oh shit,” and Dylan’s incredulous, “It’s Auston?!”

It’s Auston who’s staring at Mitch’s shirt with a small smile. Auston who was holding his hand out for Mitch to take. Auston who was apparently gay.

Mitch felt like he was in some sort of twilight zone when he took Auston’s hand. It was a little sweaty, but Mitch felt he didn’t mind.

“It’s you.”

Auston smiled down at him shyly, “Are you disappointed?”

“No,” Mitch responded with a smile, “just surprised.”

Auston raised his eyebrows, “Seriously, I made it kind of obvious.”

“Excuse me, you did not.”

“I told you I handed out candy for Halloween, and Jack said he told you that’s what I did instead of going to his party.”

“Okay well I was drunk, that night is a little hazy.”

“34 is my hockey number.”

“I went to like two hockey games total.”

“Papi is Spanish, I’m half Mexican, and I freaked out a little bit about the Bon Jovi thing in your car and then hinted at Livin’ On a Prayer.”

“Lots of people like Livin’ On a Prayer, it’s a classic, Jesus.”

Auston shrugged and then brought Mitch’s hand to his lips to press a soft kiss on the back of it. Mitch’s face immediately went red and he made an inhuman noise. He pulled Auston to a stop and reached up to press their lips together. Auston was frozen for a few seconds before responding. He was hesitant at first, and Mitch pulled away to look at his face.

Suddenly he had to ask, “Are you disappointed it’s me?”

“No,” Auston whispered back and ducked to kiss him again. It was soft and perfect, and Mitch completely missed when the song ended. The loud cheering startled him and he pulled away with a smile, brushing a kiss across Auston’s cheek.

“Ready to get out of here?”

“More than,” Auston responded, pulling him toward the edge of the ice where their friends were waiting.

***

Auston brought Mitch to his car for lunch the day after Valentine’s Day. When they were sitting down Auston pulled a cooler out from the backseat. Mitch raised his eyebrows and then laughed when Auston pulled out a jar of what he assumed was homemade salsa.

“Once you mentioned wanting to try my mom’s homemade salsa.”

“I did.”

“So, I figured for our first date, I’d bring you some.”

“Was last night not a date?”

“It was really only for one song,” Auston responded sheepishly, rubbing his neck.

“I thought you weren’t going to show,” Mitch told him quietly, ducking to look at his lap.

“Me too. It wasn’t really until I was walking toward the ice when I realized what was happening. I sat in my car for a long time trying to talk myself out of it. I got nervous because at first I thought you’d moved on with Alex.”

“He was the only one who was really there for me. He was the friend I needed, but that’s all he ever was, a friend.”

“Yeah, I realized when the message went up. I’m sorry you had to go through everything alone.”

“Well, I wasn’t totally alone. But I guess it was good character building.”

Auston snorted before pulling out a bag of tortilla chips, “Let’s eat some of this before lunch ends.”

After they finished eating, Mitch did have to concede that Auston’s mom made the best homemade salsa he’d ever eaten.

“What did I tell you.”

Mitch didn’t want him to get too cocky this early in their relationship, so he cut Auston off with a kiss before he could brag anymore.

***

When spring came and the weather started to warm, Mitch started to get antsy. One particularly pretty morning, he went through his usual routine of picking up Zach and then Dylan before stopping through a drive-thru for their usual drinks. Willy was the next stop before their final stop on the way to school at Auston’s.

While he waited for everyone to get situated, Mitch made an executive decision. He backed out of Auston’s driveway and started driving in the opposite direction of school, “Guys, it’s such a nice day that school sounds criminal right now. How about we go do something else today?”

Cheers filled the car and Dylan reached forward from the back seat to ruffle his hair, “Who are you and what have you done with Mitch?”

Mitch rolled his eyes and held his hand out for Auston to take in the passenger seat, “Shut up and figure out something for us to do.”

Auston squeezed his hand and smiled at him softly. Mitch smiled back while Willy cooed sarcastically from the back seat. Mitch rolled his eyes when his friends started arguing about where to go in the backseat. Despite the all the shit he went through, Mitch decided it was worth it to get to this point.

“What do you think, Marns, a picnic at the park?” Willy asked, interrupting his train of thought.

“Sounds perfect.”

Everyone cheered again and Mitch decided he’d even do it all over again if the result was this overwhelming feeling building in his chest. He decided that this pressure was welcome, unlike the pressure he’d been feeling for the last few years. At the end of the day, happiness was worth the pain.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings:  
> There's descriptions of puke twice, so just be cautious if that sort of thing bothers you.  
> There's a scene where two guys call Alex homophobic names and no one really stands up for him. After that there's referenced homophobia toward the end.  
> Mitch is outed without consent.
> 
> Extras:  
> • So one day Dylan definitely brings up the p!atd phase in front of Auston and then points out that Mitch has a type because Auston has a big forehead just like Brendan Urie. Mitch is totally thrilled, Auston is not  
> • Auston for sure gives Mitch one of his jerseys to wear to hockey games because even though Mitch isn't an avid hockey watcher, he goes to every single one of Auston's games he can. Unless they're on Saturday night  
> • Jack: "Mitch the least you could do is come watch some of our games, Auston dragged me to every single performance of Grease"  
> • Auston gets to start joining family game nights where he tries some bomb chocolate covered pretzels  
> • Dylan eventually comes out to Mitch as bi and starts crushing hard on Connor the composer. Connor, who is also bi, is into it.  
> • Auston still doesn't eat nachos, even when Mitch begs, but he can put down some chips and salsa  
> • Daddy kink is definitely an inside joke, and once a drunk Mitch brings it up in front of the whole group who immediately lose their shit at the idea of quiet Auston being secretly kinky. Auston is extremely embarrassed  
> • They definitely say "I love you" pretty soon, I mean they'd said it already over email, but Mitch was nervous that maybe Auston didn't feel the same anymore after everything went down. Auston could tell something was up, so he said it first  
> • Mitch's dad really did research on pride parades  
> • Babs is totally a cool drama teacher and not the school's hockey coach, fight me about it.
> 
> That's not all the emails they sent either, there were probably sappier ones. Funnier ones too most likely.


End file.
